Need motivation? There's an App for that!

Running is hard and sometimes we all need a little motivation en route. But what kind of motivation? And how can we access this motivation when we need it?

The geniuses at Go Girls Laboratories have developed motivation that you can carry with you and access with a single touch on your iPod, ADIDAS micoach, Nike running thingy, Blackberries, and similar electronic products. It's simple: we've created a Motivation App that allows you to pre-set a series of inspiring messages that can be readily accessed on whatever electronic device you carry with you.

Ah, you say, what a brilliant idea! But how does Go Girls Laboratories know what kind of motivation I need, you wonder. Well, here at Go Girls Laboratories, we've got you covered. We have developed a spectrum of different types of motivational messages delivered by diverse personna. You set the tone for your motivational messages by selecting an appropriate personna. Need some nurturing? Why, we've got an App for that! How about some tough love? Oh, there's an App for that, too! Read on to review some of our most popular personnApps, as we like to call our diverse line of motivational messages.

The Jewish Grandmother (quite possibly the best kind of grandmother there is)

Oi vey, you're working hard! Good for you! You're just like your grandfather with your determination. I always knew you were a champion. Never mind that Mendelson kid who beat you up in grade two. He's only a dentist now. But look at you: you're an endurance athlete! Keep it up and you'll have a husband/wife in no time! By the way, have you eaten?

Your Mother

You can do it, dear! Your father and I are very proud of you. But listen, if you need to stop, honey, you should just stop. It's okay. You're trying your best, but it's not worth dying over. I hope you put something on your feet to prevent blisters. You know how tender your feet are. Also, you should always wear clean underwear when you run just in case you are hit by a car and have to go to the hospital. I'm just saying! Be prepared! By the way, you're not going to wear that to the marathon are you?

Your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/partner

Baby, you are beautiful! Looking good, hon! Wow! You are soooo hot right now. You make me want to be a better person. You inspire me to greater things. So keep going, baby. Keep running! Remember: pain is weakness leaving the body! You can so do this! You own this run!

Your nice running friends

How are you doing? You okay? Need a break? We can take a break if you want. I can walk if you need to. Breathe deeply. You're all right. C'mon, you can do this! We're almost there!

Your other running friends

C'mon, keep up the pace. You're not going to break on me, are you? I'm not dragging your sorry ass all the way back, so get going. Don't hold us up. There are coffee and treats waiting for us at the end of this run, so let's go. Don't be a baby. Put it in gear and let's GO!

Your non-running friends

Dude, I couldn't run more than a block. I don't get why you run. Is it about being able to drink more beer? 'Cause I think you are crazy to be up so early to run. Dude, it's dark outside! You're crazy, man. CRAZY.

Peers from the 'hood

Yo, Paula Radcliffe. Yeah, that's right. I'm talking to you. What you doing? Running? WTF? The cops after you or something? You think you're better than us because you run? Well, you better start running now because if I catch you with your big runner's attitude around here, I'm going to beat you so bad you gonna wish you was dead.

Peers from my 'hood (Leaside)

Lovely day, isn't it? Why, have you been running? Good for you! I see that you're wearing a great pair of running shoes from last season. Oh yes, that version of the shoe has been updated. The owner of the running shoe company is friends with my dad, so he always sends me the newest version of the shoes. Of course, I don't run so much as I play tennis and golf. But good for you for getting out there and running! It must feel good to be out there with the masses, running away on a Saturday morning! Just lovely! Oh, I'm just going to move my stroller here...I don't want you to sweat on the baby...Okay, then, move along! Ta ta!

Grandpa Cranky Pants

You think you're working hard? Listen up kid, in my day, I had to run everywhere. EVERYWHERE. With no shoes. In the winter. I was lucky if I had socks. But I ran anyway. It prepared me for the war. You kids are too soft. You can't even handle playing Battleship. Cry, cry, cry...feelings, feelings, feelings. In my day, we had no time for feelings because we were out kicking Nazi ass and building the country up from scratch. So go finish your run and then fetch me the newspaper. Here's $5. You can keep the change.

Marine Drill Sargeant

Listen up, you pathetic excuse for an endurance athlete! This isn't supposed to be fun! It's supposed to be hard! It's supposed to be tough! You will hurt and you will learn to love the hurt! Why? Because you are a distance runner! Distance runners suffer! They don't complain! Distance runners dig deep and suck it up! That's right, worm: SUCK. IT. UP. You want easy? Talk a walk in the park with the other grandmas! That's where we send the pathetic, low-life, complaining babies who can't take a bit of PAIN in their run! Are you a BABY or are you a RUNNER?! You're a RUNNER? Well then, swallow your pain, lengthen your stride, sweat it on out, and bring it on home!

Each of the above personnAPPs is yours for one low price of $19.99! It's motivation in your pocket! Get through those final miles with gentle nurturing, adoration, passive aggressiveness, or just plain old tough love. Operators from the Go Girls Laboratories are standing by! Order yours today!